Of late, i am seeing plenty of various wellness methods and society leaders speak about how lesbians have no need for condoms whatsoever within gender techniques. Which idea really perplexes me personally! Everytime I read it somewhere, I pause and believe

huh? In which performed these individuals obtain safer sex details from?


Pic by istock

It is a part of a much bigger societal issue because lesbian, queer and bi women can be usually left out within the dialogue about sexual health and STIs. It’s as if men and women believe that

STIs

merely result from penises hence lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies cannot ever before

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs could be offered in many different ways
. Through epidermis to skin contact. From anal sex. From dental sex. From sharing adult toys. Nearly any type of intercourse that you’re having, it’s probably that STIs might be handed down, from person to person. You’ll want to understand that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies sometimes have actually penises. Or occasionally we utilize dildos during sex. And for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier solution to decrease the probability of STIs getting passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is advisable to observe that it isn’t the end of worldwide in the event that you test positive for an STI. Your lifetime along with your sexual life aren’t over. When we can get access to this kind of much safer gender details, after that we can all expand and learn together—and convey more pleasant intercourse!


Picture by istock

We have now already talked-about
various barrier strategies
that lesbian, queer and bisexual females can use whenever sex with one another. And yes, condoms are included when it comes to those choices. You need to use condoms as a barrier when having a penis in snatch or when having
anal sex
, when you are making use of a masturbator or dildo, and additionally cut a condom along the center (with scissors) if you would like a dental care dam for analingus or dental intercourse. Whenever we inform ladies who sleep along with other women that they you should not

requirement

condoms to rehearse less dangerous gender, we are perpetuating this myth which our gender is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs getting shared.

Plenty of my lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies occasionally have a good laugh about how exactly they don’t really exercise much safer sex. We hear queer ladies make laughs about dental care dams and how they do not have when utilized them. This can make myself wonder just who in our community would really practice safer intercourse? Whenever we’ren’t using buffer practices, tend to be we subsequently having in-depth conversations about our intimate health before we f*ck? Tend to be we continuously prioritizing getting tested between all of our lovers? And not soleley a pap smear (
for the reason that it does not cover almost everything
), but like acquiring the full build up?

I don’t say any of this as judgmental, anyway. I also been that woman to chuckle about dental care dams. I in addition got one night stands where i did not focus on me or my lover’s intimate wellness. But Needs all of us accomplish better. I would like united states to be able to have actual, nuanced talks about the sexual health. Because it matters, ladies. And I would like to get previous laughing about dental care dams and shrugging down condoms as a choice.

Typically contained in this dialogue, I get asked

well, let’s say i do want to utilize a dental dam but she doesn’t think that’s gorgeous?

This anxiety is really so prevalent that I feel like plenty lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are actually nervous to ask their own associates to apply better gender. But let me make it clear a queer lady secret, obtaining dental gender through a dental dam is gorgeous and seems incredible. In reality, the individual it really changes situations for could be the person providing the oral. It really is a little bit various of a personal experience, but one which you can aquire made use of to! It really is beautiful the person obtaining because 1. you are both prioritizing each other’s sexual health, basically hot AF and 2. within my truthful viewpoint, it however seems pleasurable as f*ck.

I additionally understand how difficult it can be to bring up the discussion of STIs before you have sex, especially if you’ve never ever had gender using this individual before. A factor i have learned inside my several years of messily navigating gender and connections is that while I talk with some one towards types of gender we both want to have and regarding what sort of barriers you want to use—We have wayyyy better gender. Like I am not claiming this because I’m a sex nerd. I am suggesting my personal honest queer girl reality. Intercourse is most effective once you explore need along with your bodies 1st.



Let’s break it down.

You and this prospective hookup don’t know both’s bodies but. Every single individual has their own needs and ticks and tactics, that change all of them the f*ck on. And even though you can perform a guessing online game if you are having sex to determine exactly what ~feels good~ because of this brand new individual, you could instead, explore it ahead of time. Isn’t it enjoyable to be able to f*ck some body the way they desire to be f*cked? Then you certainly already know just the go-to area on their behalf, for which you would you like to establish to and the ways to encourage them to be putty in your hand.


Picture by istock

In terms of talking about just what barriers and/or toys you intend to utilize while you’re having sex—a lot of individuals think its extremely maybe not gorgeous and requires most of the enjoyable from the jawhorse. But envision if you are making love but the entire time you’re nervous as you actually wanted to make use of a dental dam but did not understand how to inform the lady that and so now you can’t have an orgasm since you’re so in your thoughts about not speaking right up to meet your needs? That’s no enjoyable for anybody, trust in me. When you are getting that conversation straightened out prior to starting having sexual intercourse, then you know already to choose the condom if you use your strap-on or whether she is cool with liquid connection or not. These are typically vital facets of sex so we should never disregard them.

I have homework regarding of you looking over this right now. The very next time you’re having a unique hookup with somebody, try to incorporate some of those talks before you strike the bedsheets and discover what the results are. I guess you that you will have some mind-blowing consensual much safer sex!



Got any sex questions? Feel free to extend: Corinne@gomag.com!

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